Swiss Army Man
It feels like we live a huge part of our lives on autopilot. Waking up, going through routines, working long hours... Doing things without stopping to look around and savor the moment, to actually feel something wonderful.
As much as I try to work towards creating the life I want and doing the things that make me happy everyday, I still catch myself doing things just because, not taking the time to stop and live 100% in the moment.
It's almost like my brain is wired to constantly complete tasks to become a better and more fulfilled person but I'm not allowing myself to enjoy it. I'm running the marathon, passing each mile marker, but I'm not appreciating how hard my body is working or noticing the ocean scenery around me. (I'd like to think of my life like the Big Sur Marathon, mmmkay lol)
On Monday, I was taken to the movie theaters to watch a 'surprise; movie. I had no idea what the name of the film was or what it was about. It was in the smallest theater in the building and it opened with a man trying to hang himself on an island. Which later went into scenes of a dead Harry Potter farting... I had absolutely no idea what my boyfriend was thinking choosing this movie.
To my surprise, Swiss Army Man ended up being the most incredible movie. From the wtf-weirdness and humor, to the beautiful message about life, I was a mess in the final ten minutes.
I had this deep, gut-wrenching feeling of love and sadness. I wanted to hold every person I've ever loved. I wanted to make a promise to myself to savor every single day. This movie stopped all outside thinking and I was present; I felt like I was watching the movie of my life.
I hadn't felt that much love, gratitude, sadness and fear all at once before. I started to think back to old memories, enjoying every string that's been sewn throughout my life.
My thoughts then raced to the future and I became overwhelmed by what's still ahead. I was overwhelmed by the idea that I'm going to die.
I held my boyfriend tight and told him how much I appreciate him. I was reminded of how fortunate I am and how I want to continue to remind myself, on all of the hard days, how good life is.
Everyone knows they are going to die but when it hits you, how fast life truly flies by, how many chapters are completely over and how many more you pray you still have, you feel alive. Beautifully alive.