Self Love will Set You Free

You know when you experience a series of similar events and something in your brain just clicks? You say to yourself, “Something important is happening right now… life is telling me to pay attention.”

I recently watched the new Tony Robbins documentary on Netflix. Coincidentally, the last two days at work have been about connecting with students and talking about our life’s meaning; I can’t stop thinking about the stories I’ve heard.

Such loving and incredible people struggle to find true happiness because they are afraid. Why? Because digging deep, looking back at painful memories, reminiscing on the person they’ve become so they can work towards the person they want to be, is uncomfortable.

We are programmed to avoid pain.

Each person’s real life problem stemmed from their childhood and how a parent or significant person in their life made them not feel enough. And usually, the problem they thought they had in the beginning, was nothing close to what their issue actually was.

Her problem wasn’t her diet, and his problem wasn’t his communication with his wife, their problems rooted from their lack of self love and acting in ways that reflected how they valued themselves.

We accept the love we believe we deserve.

I noticed a few patterns.

  1. Shame, anger, and fear were the constant words used to describe how people felt.
  1. If someone wasn’t taught self-love by their parents/guardians, and were raised with low self-esteem, they struggled to find loving and healthy relationships once they became an adult (they weren’t taught they deserved real love as a child so that was all they knew.) 

Also, if someone felt they were constantly living up to their parents’ standards, and their main stress in life was to make their parents happy, this dynamic almost always trickled down to their romantic relationships; the person didn’t feel worthy of love or respect, so they allowed their partner to treat them similarly.

  1. Human beings like to look at life’s issues from the surface because it’s more comfortable and it’s easier to avoid pain altogether. We make up stories to feel better, we make excuses, and we use distractions (social media, alcohol, drugs, tv…) to numb our feelings.

The most valuable thing I learned from this little ‘epiphany’ I had was how often our brains will lie to ourselves, to try to protect us, so it’s more bearable to live. We will do everything we can not to feel pain, even when facing our fears will ultimately allow us to forgive ourselves and others. This ongoing process is what liberates us to become the best version of ourselves.

I feel tremendously grateful for being able to really listen to and connect with these stories. They have opened my own eyes to the things I fear most, and granted me the courage to treat myself more lovingly.

Through self-awareness, we can expand our capability of truly loving ourselves and others.


👉🏽 Thought process:

I set the standard of how I will be treated.

I have to take myself seriously enough and respect/love myself enough in order for people to treat me that way in return.

I have to build the foundation of my self-worth and train the people around me to give me that same level of respect and love.

We’ve all heard, “If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love others and they can’t love you.” No one is a victim; we determine our worth, whether we feel sufficient in our life, and we set the standard for how we are treated.

What makes me happy?

What is my purpose?

What can I do every day to make me feel enough?

How do I demonstrate self-respect and love?

If I allow others to push me over, pressure me, or choose to not have a mind of my own and decide to ‘go-with-the-flow,’ I ALLOW IT. I risk spending time doing things that make me feel unhappy.

Extreme ownership will set me free of my insecurities in knowing that I can create a vision and start developing new loving habits.

The victim says - “I hate them. Why are they so mean?”

Reality - “Why don’t I respect myself enough to stand up for what I want?

Why do I allow people to treat me this way?

Where did I learn this was ok?

What is it in my life that causes a feeling of not being enough?”

I don’t hate them, I hate me…

Olivia Reed