Insane in the Membrane

I'm a very driven person; I feel good when I am productive and make progress towards important things in my life (normal, healthy). I thrive off bettering myself. But coincidentally, I'm starting to think that I really like to stress myself out.

I'm a list person, who gets excited to write down my to-do's and cross off each task on my list. I'm so much in my head sometimes that I am often not fully present, because I am so damn focused on completing the next task to feel accomplished (not healthy). I will seriously obsess on writing down a long list, in the notes app in my phone, and enjoy looking at it and thinking about it all day.

This morning I was thinking that maybe these 'productive lists' are actually driving me more crazy and stressing me out, rather than helping me to stay on track and create more happiness. I notice that when I am more in my head I can become paralyzed with my 'list of life' and stop working on the things that make me feel genuinely happy.

I am going to start focusing on each task individually, being completely present in each moment, rather than obsessing on the next item on the list and how quickly I can complete it.

Side note - I think most people don't like to admit they are doing something 'crazy' (personally I think what I am doing is psycho, but I'll be conservative) but I think it's comforting when I can look at my behavior, laugh about all of my humanness, and work towards rewiring my brain to think differently.

Olivia Reed